Was watching Sex and the City movie just recently and nothing get’s me like when Charlotte wails on Big after he doesn’t show up to the wedding to marry Carrie. Ugh! Saddest but also the whole movie really shows the power of female friendships. How when one is down the others rally. When one keeps hitting a road block the others take up their sludge hammers and help her tear that wall down.
I got to thinking about my friendships and how they became to be. Why are my specific friends my friends?Adult friendships or any friendship that isn’t surface level really takes a lot of work. I’ve had some really incredible friends and to be honest haven’t been sure I’ve been the best friend in return. I am horrible at remembering birthdays and this past year, totally forgot my best friends birthday. I felt awful! I rarely take time to call to catch up with my friends and I’m an awful gift giver. I have close friends that are so good at these things and really help me want to be better to. I have friends that never forget a birthday and always make it special. I have friends that plan times to regularly get together and make that a priority. I have friends that have held my hand when I was low and cheerleader me super hard when the good times where back. I’ve learned to try and pay attention to what is important to each of my friends. What is their love language? How do they like to be cheer leaded or left alone when dealing with things. When to get in there with them and when to back off. And I for sure can say that whatever is important to your people should be important to you. It’ something I have to work on. Granted a load of grace comes in too. We all have full, busy lives packed with priorities. The majority of my friends have businesses of their own and are all trying to be present in every aspect. We are all in the same boat of busy. The thing that I think helps my friendships work is that we all understand each other and understand that we have a million things going on but try our best to make time to connect when we can. Again, grace and we don’t take things personally.
I tried to take note of what the commonality in my awesome friends was. What did they give me and others that made me feel like I wanted them closer. Or what made them feel safe for me to dive into closer friendships with them. I was asked this recently… What do you need out of a friend?
When I sat down and really thought on it. The common thread I found was that I am drawn to people who are self deprecating, honest, know themselves, and are willing to be 100% real with me and let me be 100% real in return with no judgement. Secrets are safe and protected and we watch out for each other and cheerlead each other constantly. I also really like to laugh! Wit is one of my most favorite characteristics. I don’t think I need a lot from a person outside of them being real. Now that is loaded because it takes quite a special relationship to get to the “real” doesn’t it? We all put up a facade of what we are willing to share. We all have hidden fears of what others may think or how others may perceive our actions.
So I’m going to ask you to my friend…..what makes a good friend to you?