I was having a conversation with a friend recently and the topic came up of how frustrating it can be when you have friends that just don’t seem to “get it”. To clarify, there is no real “it” here. I guess the “it” would encompass whatever things you may have stacked on your ever rotating plate. Frustrating kids, exhaustion from running kiddos to and from activities, feelings of isolation or on the positive end to have opportunity to travel or lunch with friends. You know, just stuff. We circled on the topic for a bit about how it can feel frustrating when you aren’t in the same season as your peers or friends. It can make you feel like you are missing out or doing something wrong because you aren’t living life as busy or fully. The comparison trap can be a REAL beast. I remember feeling a loss of my identity in a way there for a bit when Capri was little. My mom would remind me of my “season”. Seasons come and go. We get the Summers full of fun, the Fall full of contentment, the Winter of struggle and the Spring where new growth comes. It’s all a cycle. It’s just how we look at it. I remember laughing with a friend when the girls were little about how we secretly “hated” our hubbies so much when they would act even the smallest bit tired. I wanted to crush it at my business and have the freedom to do that but then had the crushing mom guilt of leaving them. I had a totally messy house all the time and being so bored of watching Mickey Mouse club house. I remember being so envious of friends who could go on a “kids free” lunch date. I was in that exhausting season of running after toddlers and keeping up with housework, growing my business and trying to keep my marriage in a solid place. I so remember feeling stretched. Kids took a lot, hubby needed a lot and my biz demanded me. It just was A LOT. It was a tough season. I didn’t know it at the time because I was just in it. I wanted things to be easier but I just wasn’t in a season that allowed ease. I saw my friends lunching and shopping and really just couldn’t wait for that time to come. If I’m really honest, I also remember wanting to rush the kids to grow up sooner so I could get to the next phase where the load lightened up just a smidge. Then feeling awful for not savoring their littleness. Ugh the mom guilt back and forth.
Fast forward, to the next season. The girls were now both in school and I had some freedom but we were really working hard on our marriage. We were leaning in to date nights and really trying to reconnect. Career changes, personal goal changes, growth in business changes, moving changes caused stress for us. Just a time of change. Nothing we wouldn’t get through but it was just gonna take time and work. That time was very challenging for me. I had a lot of personal self induced growth during that time. I firmly believe that if things don’t change then things don’t change. I was on a war path to change myself for the better. I knew our struggles wouldn’t ease unless I worked on myself first. It takes two right but it started with me!
Final and current season…. today the hard work has paid off in our marriage and we are in a consistent place of happy. Now I’m in the season of raising up these girls to be women of God. I work hard every day to foster confidence, kindness, hard work ethic etc in them and it’s really hard! I’m in a time of self sacrifice for them but this time is SO sweet! I hustle as quickly as possible during the day to make sure I’m all theirs starting at 2:30 when I pick up from school. I sit with them at dance for hours each night because they both love when I’m there. I’m their safety net. They are changing rapidly and demand a very tuned ear to their feelings. I’m up against the hard talks of periods and peers. I may not be changing diapers and exhausted, now I’m giving long hugs and cheerleading like I’ve never done before. It’s just a different pressure. I feel very much that the next season of Junior high and High school are going to be potentially challenging as our world changes and the demands on our kids becomes different than we were used to. I’m trying to lay down some super strong foundations for that next season and secretly pray my current one stays as long as it wants.
I share all this to encourage you ladies that are in a season that seems to be taking a long time. A season that is tough. A season that feels isolated. You don’t know there is another season ahead until you get to it. I do however hope you can find so much joy in your current season. The simple pleasures of playing at home with your little one before they are of school age. The sweet time in the car with them before their practices to catch up with them their day. The long prayers for patience or guidance. None of us know if we are doing this thing right. We just have to try our hardest to our best in the season we are in.